30 Awesome Tips to Improve Your Relationship with Your In-Laws
In-laws are the most unpredictable and fragile relationship. A small mistake and a conflict bumped in. It is hard to maintain a healthy relationship with your in-laws. You may face many hurdles like criticism and unsupportive nature. But most of the time, miscommunication and wrong assumptions can make your relationship worse.
As you are new in this family, you have to go through a lot of things. Like every relationship needs time to build. But what to do when you have to make an impression in your first years of marriage. You sure need to do something to improve your relationship with your in-laws. But what are those steps you have to take?
You are the new addition to this family. You have to learn your spouse's family tradition and heritage. Make your spouse's parents feel special because they are the reason for your spouse's existence. Respect elders and go for the kids of the family. Make plans with them and do smile to start healthy conversations. Don't ignore them and consider them as your family. Be yourself and try to keep yourself calm when you face criticism. Remember one thing, they are your partner's family, and he raises in them, and nothing matters more to him.
- Show Interest in Them
Getting to know your in-laws better may help you to improve your relationship with in-laws. Arrange a little gathering or family dinner with your in-laws. Engage in conversation with them and get to know more about them. Learn about their interests and hobbies.
You never know, you could learn that your mother-in-law shares watches the same shows as you. Or she loves the same brand you like to wear. So next time both of you can go shopping together.
- Choose when to be Flexible
Grandparents love their grandchildren like to spoil them. Sometimes the in-laws do not want to follow your rules. You will save yourself a lot of headaches by being firm with the rules for kids.
Like if your kids want a popsicle before bed, it is not a big deal. As you think that happens only twice a when year grandparents come to visit. Or they want to stay awake to hear some more stories from their grandparents.
- Keep an Open Mind
You are new to this family, and all families have different norms and values. There is no instruction manual on the right way to do things. Do not expect your spouse's family to do everything the same as your family.
Do not offend or be unconcern about the adopt your in-law's ways. Try to learn new traditions and family dynamics of your spouse's family. It will help you better understand your in-laws.
- Hang Out More
If you already do not spend quality time with the in-laws. Well, think again you might get into trouble with your in-laws. The mere interaction with your in-laws only on holidays can make an unpleasant impression on your relation.
Try to spend time with your in-laws. Like you can go shopping, catch a movie, or spend a day in the spa with your mother-in-law. You will really love to hear her stories about her children and family.
- Do not be a Double Dip
Every family faces arguments and quarrels so, your in-laws too. In such situations, keep your boundaries clear in in-law relationships. Try not to choose to take the side during squabbles.
It is better to hear both sides rather than resolve the issue first. Talk to your in-laws separately and then solve the problem with other family members. This tip will work in situations with your spouse and their siblings.
- Look for the Good
You might get struggle to get along with your in-laws. It is better to look for at least one good thing in your spouse's family. Try to find one or more good things about your father-in-law or mother-in-law.
Maybe you do not like their interruption and questioning about your career or parenting. But they have more experience than you that could help you with parenting or building your career. Plus, you get close to your in-laws.
- Do Not Take it Personally
At a formal dinner with your in-laws, you feel on edge. You might hear something that you do not like. Try not to take every negative interaction personally. In-laws are humans too, and they can do and say the wrong things.
Better is to skip the question or start talking about something else. You can also escape to the kitchen or washroom to avoid such awkward moments. Also, try not to react initially to every comment or action.
- Be Strict When You Must
You can be flexible with some rules that can help keep the peace with your in-laws. But you also need to make sure you do not feel offended. Like you might face such situations when your in-laws are babysitting.
It is better to negotiate with them which rules are not changed. Talk to them politely, tell them you respect their values but, it is better for your babies. So make sure they respect your requests and follow them too.
- Set Appropriate Boundaries
Not everyone is comfortable with an open-door policy when it comes to family. You set some rules to keep things working properly around the home. It feels very awkward when you have planned a night out, and someone drops in for a visit.
Especially when they are you are in-laws, you have to cancel your plans. To avoid the friendly neighborhood pop-in, talk with your in-laws about calling first before they drop in unannounced.
- Be Kind Behind Their Back
It is hard to make any relationship work if you constantly say mean things about someone when they are not around. It can make your relationship worse so does with your in-laws.
Try saying and thinking kind things about them, even when they are not around. It can improve things between you and your in-laws. Also, your spouse likes your act too. After, they hear good things about their families.
- Make Portions of Your Family Time
If you are getting a hard time improving your relationship with your in-laws. Particularly, when they are hanging at your home or visiting in holidays. You feel uncomfortable managing things around the house.
Try to make portions of your family time. Like you can go for dining out instead of having a barbecue party at your home. In this way, you spent a small portion of time with your in-laws. Instead of they spend a day or your place for hours.
- Talk About It
We respond to issues with in-laws that have a lot to do with past history. Do not feel afraid of asking your partner about the family history. Show an interest in your partner's heritage and background.
Cultures and backgrounds may also play a role in how in-law interactions occur. Couples need to be open with each other about their family history. So they can understand what happened at that time. It will help to avoid emotional overreactions.
- Suppress Your Ego
Ego can destroy any relationship. You will be more careful when you are improving your relationship with in-laws. Stay humble and try to avoid conflict. First, avoid comparing your family to your in-laws.
Because each family has a different dynamic and your expectations always are different for each other. Accept this, rather than fighting it, and improve your relationship. Also, fill in empty spaces with love and abstain ego from getting in at any point in time.
- Make an Effort to Know Them Better
After formal introductions with your in-laws, put some effort to know them. If you find it hard to remember all the names and relationships. Ask your partner to draw out a family tree that will help you memorize it.
Take steps to start the conversation since you are the newcomer. Such as a smile, give a genuine smile to them whenever you meet them. They might expect you to make the first move. Be ready to accept any reply or response.
- Learn to Deflect
Most of us are likely to hear advice or opinions from an in-law that do not go with us. Rather than reacting emotionally, it is better to respond neutrally. In this way, you can avoid conflicts and misunderstandings.
In such conditions you can say, that is a good idea or I will think about it. If the in-law persists, try a polite conversation ender such as that is a good idea, but we are thinking to do it this way.
- Reduce Interaction with Unsupportive In-laws
We spend quality time with in-laws to support family ties. However, some couples may find that in-laws are destructive to the marital bond or even intend to bring down the marriage. It is difficult for everyone to handle such situations.
Express your compassion for each other with the actions openly. That reminds your in-laws how much you value the marriage and your love for each other. In some cases, you have to reduce interactions with unsupportive in-laws.
- Improve Your Relation with Your Spouse
Your relationship with your in-laws is totally dependent on how you have a relationship with your spouse. If everything is okay, your spouse will defend you in sticky situations. Otherwise, you have to handle it alone on your own.
It is essential to remove all conflicts with your spouse. Speak highly of your partner's qualities and praise them. Express openly the admiration, respect, love, and fondness you have for your partner. Try not to make your spouse choose between you or his family.
- Communicate Directly
If you got stuck in any conflict or misunderstanding with your in-laws, talk to them directly. Avoid communicating through a third party that will make things worse. Never ask your spouse to talk to them because it might hurt their feelings.
You can express your point effectively and clear the misunderstandings. Also, your in-laws will appreciate your act. As you show care for them and make a good move make things work in your relationship.
- Be Yourself
As Shakespeare said, Don't try to remake yourself into the person your in-laws want. Never try to imitate yourself to such a person you are not. Always be yourself and express your emotions sincerely for them. It is not absurd to share your weakness and drawbacks.
No one is perfect in this world so do you. Never put yourself in someone else shoes to get a place in their hearts. Just be yourself and show them your talents and abilities rather than tell.
- Have No Expectations
You might have many expectations of your new family members or in-laws. But they are humans too maybe, they do certain things and act against your expectations. Do not expect what people cannot deliver.
As they say, not every father-in-law lives to snake out your kitchen sink, and not every mother-in-law dreams of baking cookies with her grandchildren. Adjust your thinking to the reality of the situation and leave the stereotypes. Make your expectation low as possible with your in-laws.
- Learn to Cool Off
Try not to react at first whenever you hear some critical comments. Many times, the best thing to do is nothing. Time heals many wounds and wounds many heels. It is better to be silent as time passes peacefully without any harm.
Spare your in-laws the insults and character attacks. Play safe and be nice to them. Try to keep your words to yourself in such situations. It might bring up any conflict between you and your in-laws.
- Never Compare Your In-laws
Never compare your in-laws with your parents because people are different so do your in-laws.
Your parents and the in-laws will never be the same. If you compare them, things will get worse. Accept them as they are and show love and affection to them.
For example, you are from a wealthy family compared to your spouse's family. If you brag about your parents and other things may irritate your in-laws. You might hear negative remarks from them.
- They are Not Enemies
Your in-laws are the parents and family members of your beloved husband. Remember that your partner grew up in this family and loves the family more than anything. Consider them as family and not opponents.
Many people spoil their relationships with in-laws because they frame them as opponents. It is because you get misinformation and cause
conflicts. Treat them like family and give them the benefit of the doubt as you enter into a disagreement. Try to view things from their perspective, and you might understand them better.
- Be Mature
Your in-laws may do not love you as your parents accept this fact. They do not follow the same rules as your parents do. Learn to see the situation from your in-law's point of view. Even if you are not agree with them, act like a mature person.
For example, you hate pork, and your mother-in-law invites you at lunch to eat pork. It is better to eat a salad before going to lunch rather than ruin your spouse's appetite. It is a win-win situation. You can please not only your mother-in-law but also your spouse too.
- Volunteer for Jobs
Your in-laws may like to have a helping hand in home chores. When you visit them, volunteer to help in the kitchen or with the laundry. Or you may find opportunities to buy stuff or fix a broken item at home.
In this way, you can show your affection towards the family besides showing your hidden talents. Plus, you can break the wall between you and your in-laws. You get the chance to talk and remove misunderstandings and assumptions.
- Stay in Touch
Include your in-laws in all aspects of your life. Stay connected and find a time to text or call them once in a while. It will help you in increasing bonding with your in-laws. Also, you can make them feel cared for and loved.
Remember your in-law's birthdays and anniversaries. If you have children, keep them updated on the newest milestones reached. Make plans for a family vacation or insist they visit you during the holidays.
- Give Time to Your Relationship
Every relationship needs time to grow stronger and deep so does your relationship with your in-laws. You might have a compromising relationship with your in-laws in the first few years.
But, as time passes, you both know your strengths and weakness. You may be very different people, and it takes time to see the view of other people. Be kind and give time to your relationship with your in-laws.
- Find a Respectful Approach
Respect and love your spouse's parents as your own. Make them feel special because they bring your loved ones into this world and raise the man of your dreams. Treat them with the best as they are the reason for your spouse's existence.
Show respect when you talk, eat, or even when you are just sitting idle in front of them. Avoid playing with smartphones when you are in front of them. Show attention to the conversation or the food you are eating. Attentiveness would reflect your well-being to them.
- Take Initiative with Your In-laws
To improve relationships with your in-laws, take an initiative and don't ignore them. You may invite them for dinner, take part in preparations like helping your husband shop/buy gifts for them. Or go grocery shopping with your spouse.
Your spouse seems to be very happy to see as you include them in your every good news. Also, you wait for them to do so. Help your spouse make your in-laws feel special and part of your life.
- Think it is a Package Deal
Always put in your mind that it is a package deal. Love your In-laws as much as you love your husband no matter what. Never differentiate between YOUR family or MY family.
Always consider your in-laws as OUR family from the day you were married. You must love and respect each other's parents, and they love and respects you. Do support each other as much as you can. You get only your loved one but also your spouse's family in a package deal.
